Paranoia in the Parish?
I am the way, and the truth, and the life.
Some in the parish are more given to fear, suspicion, mistrust, and self-pity than others. It’s worth noting when leaders want to keep information about parish finances to themselves, when they don’t want the vicar to know how much individuals pledge, and when the vestry is cautioned to keep all this in the vestry “for now.” More broadly I’m thinking of those who seem to find in difficult to trust others. They may be frequently argumentative and defensive, unable to receive criticism and see harmful intent in other people’s comments, and to take offense and be unwilling to forgive or move on. Of course any of us may show these traits on occasion. As my rector says, “give them some slack.”
My concern here though isn’t about the occasional outburst of mistrust or fear but something that is longer lasting and more deeply rooted. Think of those who seem to have a sense of dread and panic, those inclined to enjoy a victim status, the chronic cynic, and those not merely apprehensive at times, but terrified.
So, I noticed Jonah Goldberg’s “Paranoia Will Destroy Ya” in the Dispatch (12/1/23). He quoted Richard Hofstadter’s “Paranoid Style in American Politics”: “As a member of the avant-garde who is capable of perceiving the conspiracy before it is fully obvious to an as yet unaroused public, the paranoid is a militant leader. He does not see social conflict as something to be mediated and compromised, in the manner of the working politician. Since what is at stake is always a conflict between absolute good and absolute evil, what is necessary is not compromise but the will to fight things out to a finish. Since the enemy is thought of as being totally evil and totally unappeasable, he must be totally eliminated—if not from the world, at least from the theatre of operations to which the paranoid directs his attention. This demand for total triumph leads to the formulation of hopelessly unrealistic goals, and since these goals are not even remotely attainable, failure constantly heightens the paranoid’s sense of frustration. Even partial success leaves him with the same feeling of powerlessness with which he began, and this in turn only strengthens his awareness of the vast and terrifying quality of the enemy he opposes. ”Goldberg, continued - “Sound familiar? In fairness to some of the post-liberals on the right and critical theorists on the left, their paranoia is removed by one or two degrees from cartoonish notions of star chambers of string-pullers. They have a more traditionally radical, Rousseauian, indictment: The system itself is designed to benefit the undeserving ruling class and the ruling class is merely acting on its interests to preserve the liberal status quo.”
And then there was Oliver Wiseman in The Free Press making a connection between self-pity and paranoia. “Charlie Munger: an exhortation to avoid self-pity. As a young man, Munger had plenty of reasons to feel sorry for himself. At 29, Munger was divorced and in dire financial straits. At 31, he lost his nine-year-old son to leukemia. At 56, a botched surgery meant he later lost an eye (and so learned braille in case anything went wrong with the other one). And yet, he would go on to become the genius business partner to Warren Buffett. In a commencement speech at USC Law in 2007, Munger said that ‘generally speaking, envy, resentment, revenge, and self-pity are disastrous modes of thought.’ He continued: ‘Self-pity gets pretty close to paranoia and paranoia is one of the very hardest things to reverse. . . I don’t care what the cause, your child could be dying of cancer, self-pity is not going to improve the situation.’ “
A couple of Biblical examples.
Saul in his relationship with David and Judas in his relationship with Jesus.
Saul couldn’t cope with how David had become so popular.
“the women sang to one another as they made merry,
‘Saul has killed his thousands,
and David his tens of thousands.’
Saul was very angry …. So Saul eyed David from that day on.” (1 Samuel 18:6–9).
Then there’s Judas. Resentful, angry, bitter Judas. Tied in knots with his thieving greed and opportunistic virtue. John tries to explain away Judas’s statement about the poor. Judas complained about the cost of the perfume that had been poured upon Jesus’s head, he wanted to know why the money wasn’t given to the poor. John believes it wasn’t because Judas cared about the poor, but because he was a thief and had been stealing from the common purse of the apostles. (John 12:1-6) But my experience is that both can be true. People can start out with a passion about the poor and end up running programs for the benefit of those serving the poor. And people can have a double mind. Both things can be true at the same time. We care about the poor, and we’re going to make a good living off of it. We feel for the poor, and we like the sense of virtue rising from that feeling. The kicker for me is in Matthew (26: 6-16). The disciples were angry because the costly ointment was poured upon Jesus’ head. They didn’t see her eager awe with compassion or the shadow of an anointed soon to be crucified king. They virtue signaled their displeasure saying the money could have gone to the poor. Notice what comes next in our story, “Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, ‘What will you give me if I betray him to you?’” When there are powerful forces out to kill the dream – you can join the conspiracy and profit. Judas is paranoid. The forces against righteousness are so powerful that even our savior is complicit. As with all paranoids, Judas’s virtue is muddled, clouded, by self-serving and his resentment over influence, and, oh yes, his greed.
From you no secrets are hid
Of course, sometimes there is a conspiracy. I was in a church where for some months a vestry hid from the parish its discussion about having a small shelter for women in the parish hall. It broke into the open when one vestry member expressed to a friend his concern about not telling the congregation. That lead to a small blow out, an open meeting, and finally the shelter being established and generally accepted. What remains disturbing is that none of those leaders ever publicly acknowledged that what they had done was a mistake, maybe even a sin.
The illustration also shows us another truth, these types of secrets usually see the light. The collect, “Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid” may point to a dynamic of grace seen within the parish church.
I don’t know that our age is all that difference from other times. Technology has changed the reach of conspiracy theories but the human inclination to create and affirm them is ancient. “The serpent was more crafty … your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’” For the paranoid there are always hidden evil powers that most people don’t see but they do see. And along with that belief usually comes the idea that there is a savior, a brave and fearless leader who can save us.
I can be saved only by Jesus Christ Daniel Berrigan[i]
What to do?
1. Don’t tell someone they’re being paranoid. It will only make them angry and more defensive. For them you’ll become part of the conspiracy.
2. When dealing with someone whose fears and defensiveness is long lasting and deeply rooted - do you think you might be able to nudge them toward a resource that might help? “John, I have noticed how fearful (or angry, of resentful, or __) you have been lately. Would you find it useful to talk with a professional about that.” Don’t hard-press it. Don’t keep returning to it. And accept that no matter how gentle you are, the person may leave the parish over it. Paranoia is a psychological disorder and needs professional counseling and often medication. So, nudge and leave it to the spirit to further nudge.
3. Protect the flock. If someone is acting in a manner that endangers the parish’s well-being you may need to ask them to leave the parish. The priest-in-charge of a parish has that right under the canons.
4.Don’t over-react. Most of us get drawn to ways of piecing together events which explain things. We want to make sense of things. It gives us comfort. So, you’ll get someone who replaces the official explanation of the assignation of President Kennedy with one of the conspiracies about the CIA or big oil. We wouldn’t concern ourselves with that but if that person had another 12 theories all of which were about hidden malevolent powers behind all world events – well. Real paranoia, lasting and deep conspiracy thinking, is relentless and ruthless.
5. Help the parish live in the faithfulness and health of Christ. Focus on creating a climate grounded in two practices. The threefold rule of prayer (Sunday Eucharist, Daily Office, personal devotions, especially reflection) and habits of listening and discernment. We’ll say more on that in a future posting.
6. If you’re the parish priest, attend to your own mental and spiritual health.
Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)
This abides,
Brother Robert, OA
[i] This came to mind when we were thinking about saviors.
I can only tell you what I believe. I believe.
I cannot be saved by foreign policies
I cannot be saved by sexual revolutions
I cannot be saved by the gross national product
I cannot be saved by nuclear deterrence
I cannot be saved by Alterman, priests, artists, plumbers, city, planners, social engineers,
nor by the Vatican, nor by the world, Buddhist association,
nor by Hitler, nor by Joan of arc,
nor by Angels and archangels
nor by Powers and dominions
I can be saved only by Jesus Christ
Daniel Berrigan in “Quotations from Chairman Jesus”, 1969, Temple Gate Publishers