Overwhelmed

Whether we realize it or not, he’s in the boat with us

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed last week. My annual wellness exam, oral surgery, x-rays on my knees, a blood test, and the first session of Shaping the Parish (STP) for this cycle. I’m about to be 80 years old and I do think there is something true that for many of us as we get older our emotions are closer to the surface. Overwhelmed. 

Today the new bishop in this diocese, Philip Labelle, sent out a message about being overwhelmed. Good timing! Here’s some of what he said.

Peace be still

We all can likely recall times like this as we stepped into a new role, or maybe when we got to seminary or some other training institute after years away from schooling and had hundreds of pages of reading and a couple of papers due, or when some incident happened at the parish that suddenly required all of our attention, and it just so happened to be during the run-up to Easter. Or maybe it was that stretch from Advent to Annual Meeting when you ended up getting sick on Christmas Day, and it took forever to find vestry members, and the budget wasn’t where it needed to be.

Somewhere in a U-Haul box in my temporary office space at D-House is an icon I received from a parishioner a number of years ago. It’s a modern take on Jesus asleep in the boat during the raging storm. John is sitting in the stern, his hand to his mouth and a look of sheer terror on his face. Peter is standing, his cloak flying straight out behind him due to the wind as he looks toward the sleeping Jesus. It catches the moment of feeling whelmed. Of being submerged and engulfed due to a tremendous surge. 

We all know what happens next. Jesus is wakened from his slumber, wonders why the disciples are afraid, and then utters those words we most need to hear when the storm is all around. “Peace be still.” And they go from feeling whelmed to experiencing calm. … whether we realize it or not, he’s in the boat with us.

A mix of grace and discipline

His comment about education and training programs, especially struck me. Phil had attended the Church Development Institute. That one was in Colorado. It was 16 years ago when Michelle was also a participant, and I was one of the trainers. That moved me to think about people who were in this cycle’s first session of Shaping the Parish. I wondered how many felt overwhelmed. Some managing severe health issues and also trying to learn. Some lay people holding their own among all those clergy. People who hadn’t done a significant amount of professional reading in years now trying to crack the books or use Kindle. And our participants from Zambia, who had serious internet connection problems. My guess is in that Zoom room there was an overwhelmed feeling for some people.

I was walking after morning coffee (that’s my reflection time) and the Bishop’s message set off a few thoughts. First, to hear the voice of Jesus, when overwhelmed we are helped by the ability to slow down and listen. To take a stance of listening. To have the discipline of listening. It’s a form of emotional intelligence that has corresponding reality in traditional virtues. Second it helps to be sensitive to the moments when the Holy Spirit nudges. Is this the voice of Jesus among all the other voices? How am I to know?  So the Sunday Eucharist, the daily office, possibly some Lectio Davina -- all spiritual practices in which we soak ourselves in the Word.  In Module Three of this cycle in STP we’ll explore spiritual and emotional maturity.

In a world where so many of us bathe in our grievance and resentment, in our fears and skepticism – it is a mix of grace and discipline to hear the voice, Peace be still. If we have soaked ourselves in the Word that is Jesus, maybe in the times of being overwhelmed that voice is what will come to us.

An inner core of silence

In 1988 the Order of the Ascension was on retreat with Father Kenneth Leech at the Community of the Holy Spirit in Brewster, NY.

Ken focused on silence and ministry. He reflected on the role of silence in our prayer life and Thomas Merton's ideas of confronting our false selves. He used the images of watching/vision; darkness/helplessness; and preaching born in silence. The importance of recognizing the helplessness in the condition of people. There is an incarnational basis of ministry; sharing in the passion; and a need for contemplative attention. This ministry should develop awareness rooted in listening. Silence is often misunderstood, as is noise.

There is a need to hear the voice of God.  "Any authentic priesthood must derive from an inner core of silence, a life hid with Christ in God ...Only those who are at home   with silence and darkness will be able to survive in, and minister to, the perplexity and confusion of the modern world. Let us seek that dark silence out of which an authentic ministry and a renewed theology can grow and flourish".

This abides,

Brother Robert, OA

The Feast of Sergius, Abbot of Holy Trinity, Moscow, 1392