Charity gave me the key to my vocation. I understood that the Church being a body composed of different members, the most essential, the most noble of all the organs would not be wanting to her; I understood that the Church has a heart and that this heart is burning with love; that it is love alone which makes the members work, that if love were to die away apostles would no longer preach the Gospel, martyrs would refuse to shed their blood. I understood that love comprises all vocations, that love is everything, that it embraces all times and all places because it is eternal! Therese of Lisieux
What does competence and humility look like in parish leadership? What does it look like in national defense, in political parties, in social change movements?
In recent days I’ve worked with several clergy on parish development skills (especially how to do survey-feedback), found myself surprised by the peace plan put forward by President Trump (thank you Tony Blair and Jared Kushner), completed my yearly wellness exam (perfectly healthy along with pre-diabetes and high cholesterol), and been horrified by the military gathering at Quantico.
I'll wind into this by beginning with what happened at Marine Corps base Quantico in Virginia. Reuters reported, “During the event, there were few visible reactions from the generals and admirals attending the event -- who sat largely silent.” The silence is what I expected. It was an expression of professional competence and humility. The action of people committed to the American tradition of a military loyal to the Constitution, apolitical, and not tied to a political movement or party.
An article this morning on that event in The Free Press drew my attention to the issue of competence and humility. Elliot Ackerman, a former USMC officer, wrote, “The Marines I fought alongside knew a thing or two about warrior culture. Watching Hegseth’s speech, I was struck by the glaring absence of two traits those Marines embodied that he does not: competence and humility.” It's worth noting that Ackerman received the Silver Star and a Purple Heart for his conduct in leading a Marine rifle platoon during the Second Battle of Fallujah.
I want to focus on the matter of competence and humility. And for a moment, I'll stay with how that gets expressed in the Marine Corps. The competence of officers is addressed in the training process and ongoing systems of accountability. Initial basic training takes place during or after college. The 6 month Basic School works on leadership, tactical concepts, and weapon systems. That’s followed by training in an occupational specialty such as infantry, aviation, law, intelligence, and cyber. That training can be anywhere from another six months to a couple of years in aviation. Officers are held to a higher standard of moral and ethical conduct, with an emphasis on honesty, integrity, and respect for human dignity. They are expected to uphold the Uniform Code of Military Justice. As in all organizations competence and accountability are interrelated with system norms related to humility.
Humility gets embedded in practices and traditions. For example, “Officers Eat Last” is a practice in which senior leaders wait until the most junior Marines have been served their food first. It’s a form of servant leadership that reinforces the norm that the officer’s responsibility for their Marines’ well-being comes before their own. It's also there in the field as young lieutenants, have even younger Marines take off their boots and socks, bend down and examine their feet in an effort to head off frostbite and other damage. Ackerman offers this example, “When I was a young lieutenant, I was taught that your Marines don’t come to you—you go to your Marines. If a Marine is sitting in a fighting hole and you need to talk to him, you go to his fighting hole. This might sound obvious, as you wouldn’t want to pull your Marines off the line to speak to you. But it’s also culturally important. Going to those you lead instead of summoning them to you indicates the leader understands that he serves those under his command, and not the other way around. It’s indicative of humility.” The norm carries through to ensuring that your Marines have safe places to sleep and opportunities for training. Ackerman faults the current Secretary of Defense for insisting that the generals and admirals come to him instead of him going to them and talking with them on their own turf and learning about their experience.
In The Free Press article, he goes on to add one other trait - accountability. “We dropped more ordnance on North Vietnam then we dropped on Europe in all of World War Two, and still it didn’t lead to victory. Neither did the ‘shock and awe’ campaign that initiated the Iraq War. Those wars failed because of incompetent leadership at the strategic level, not because the U.S. military wasn’t lethal. In addition to competence and humility, there’s another trait that’s essential to the warrior culture, one that wasn’t on display today: accountability.” [RELATED- cultural density, history)
Competence, humility and accountability
Three traits that apply to leadership in all organizations, including the parish church. Our work is rather different from that of the Marine Corps or General Motors or United Healthcare. Still, all organizations do better when leaders exhibit competence, humility, and accountability.
Competence
I’ll focus this part of the discussion to the competence needed in a parish priest and in the vestry.
If the parish is to develop into a healthier and more faithful community, what do we need to look for in the parish priest? I’d suggest a list something along these lines from Fill All Things: The Dynamics of Spirituality in the Parish Church
1. Leadership ability. This is the ability to get others to move; to listen and respond to one another, to the needs and opportunities, to God; political common sense; to occupy that role in a parish’s life in such a way that the parish is moved toward greater health and faithfulness.
2. Emotional maturity. Including an awareness of your own emotions; accepting responsibility for how you act on your emotions; an understanding of the impact of your behavior on others; self-confidence; self-control; the ability to stay with something while being flexible; the capacity to negotiate with others; the ability to be part of the group as well as to stand apart from the group.
3. Spiritual maturity. Being a person of Apostolic Faith, including maintaining a spiritual discipline.
4. Competence in many of the skills related to effective priestly ministry. Presiding at liturgy, preaching, spiritual and pastoral guidance, Christian formation, and so on. In each there are skills related to designing as well as implementing.
5. Priestliness. The person has something of the enchanter about them, can be “with God with the people on your heart,” sees the “inward and spiritual grace” within the life of individuals and the community and accepts being human and being a sacramental person. One of my friends has offered a caution based on her experience with one priest who seems to fit the “enchanter” description. We need to see the difference between the healthy enchanter that Terry Holmes wrote about in The Priest in Community and the narcissistic leader who’s more about looking good and being right.
How about the vestry? What competencies are needed in the vestry? One method Sister Michelle and I have used is a self-assessment process asking, “What do you bring to the table?” “The categories are: proficiency in Episcopal spiritual practices, ability to work as part of a team, understanding and acceptance of the Episcopal Church’s polity regarding the parish church, clarity regarding the role of the vestry in this parish, and competence in areas of work that are routine for the vestry of this parish. There are also two broader areas assessed: the degree of beneficial overflow from the vestry’s life into the parish’s life, and the vestry vestry member’s understanding of and competence in relationship to the three primary purposes of a parish church.” ( From - Finding God in All Things: Contemplation, Intercession, and Intervention - More on the three purposes of the parish church in An Energy Not Its Own )
Humility
Parish leaders would do well to listen with the ear of their heart. It's an act of humility to create listening processes in the parish. We need ways for the rector and vestry to listen to the congregation. And the rector needs to listen to the treasurer and senior warden. It’s much more than just sitting down and for a moment being quiet and still while letting others speak. Though it certainly is at least that. It is also absorbing what’s being said. When the parish community has clearly indicated it’s not interested in some initiative of rector or vestry, the leaders need to set it aside and focus on other things. Or if it seems critical that the issue be addressed to ask the congregation to consider the issue again.
“The easiest way to incorporate better methods into the parish is to do that as a matter of routine. For example, at all parish meetings use listening processes such as break-out groups, and going around the circle to hear from each person. [1] Incorporate some testing processes into routine decisions. Every year have a formal survey process that helps the parish explore its life and work. Do these things apart from times of disagreement and the methods will be there to use when, inevitably, there is a meaningful conflict.” (From Finding God in All Things: Contemplation, Intercession, and Intervention)
One of the things we see in the Marine Corps practice is the weaving of humility into the daily life of the system. It's not as easy to build that kind of cultural density into the average parish. Some years ago, I heard a story by a priest who was asked to become the interim in an Anglo catholic parish. That wasn't his tradition or experience, but he was willing to give it a try. He described how he got defensive and angry when he realized that during the Eucharist servers were going to clothe him with a cope or a chasuble. I wonder if he was thinking about the images of royalty being dressed by their servants. In the end, he agreed to follow the parish's tradition. What he discovered was that there were a series of practices that one might interpret as raising the priest above everyone else. But his actual experience was the same as others had described it. When others lifted the chasuble over him and laid it upon him, when people made a slight bow as he passed in procession, he felt humble. Much the same as he experienced the washing of the feet of people on Maundy Thursday.
It is a tricky business. Because we see some clergy have taken to a practice of receiving communion after everyone else has received instead of following the prayer book rubrics of doing it first. The intention is to suggest a servant ministry. But often the impact is quite different. Everyone else has finished. Everyone is looking at the clergy, eating and drinking. Somehow, they are now more the center of attention than ever. They are ignoring the norms of the church because they think they know best. The act can come off as a performative display.
Finally, returning to the norms of the Marine Corps, another part of humility is to never show contempt towards your leaders or the norms of the organization.
Accountability
For a moment, let’s return to yesterday‘s meeting with the generals and admirals. We all know that for the most part military people are likely to be more politically conservative. However, in their role as military leaders, their norm is to set that aside and focus on the task and role they have given themselves to. So they will be polite and respectful, gathering and listening to the civilian authorities above them. And they will obey orders. So if the order is to enforce different physical fitness standards, they will do that. However, because of their experience and role, they know things that the two civilian leaders don’t, or at least don’t seem to be paying attention to. They know that wisdom is as important as lethality. And that the future military may require the services of young men and women who can’t meet the physical requirements, but do know how to build a drone or create an iron dome?
Emotional intelligence
As a priest you're not making widgets. All expectations are not fully defined for your work. And each event and person may require adapting how you do your work. You need to get on with the work God has given you to do. The fantasy that you won't get overwhelmed or anxious, and that everything that's expected of you will always be clear, is the stuff of childhood not of adult leadership. If you're a leader you have to develop a way of navigating. The task is to keep moving in the direction of the parish's purposes while staying connected to the people. Staying connected and moving in a direction often run up against each other. So, you do the best you can. Frequently enough you’ll get it wrong. Accept that and move on. You’re not a child expecting your mother or father to preserve you from all hurt and difficulty.
Up/down
There are often difficulties around influence and control, i.e. who is up and down, top and bottom, in regard to influence. Many clergy become accustomed to being one-up in relationships. A parish rector frequently functions with very little accountability in comparison to what exists in other systems. The more emotionally and spiritually mature they are, the more they will create useful accountability systems, develop their competencies, and give themselves to humility, especially in processes of listening. But not all clergy do that very effectively. So sometimes what we see is a rector who is very happy with their control over liturgy and are delighted when someone comes to them for counsel. In that situation they're in the up or top position. But when the vestry holds them accountable, some clergy can get rather defensive and hostile. Their level of maturity may be unable to cope well with the messiness of issues around control and influence. They may experience it as their competence being challenged and may feel humiliated or embarrassed. In our consulting work we know there’s a problem when the priest frequently has a need to remind people of their authority over areas of parish life.
Managing our demand system
Even when the work of the priest or the vestry has some definition to it, it's easy for them to get overwhelmed by the needs, wants, and expectations that arise in the parish. They have difficulty managing their demand system.
Sometimes we'll see a priest or vestry member have a panic response as they begin to withdrawal from what they've agreed to do. When that happens, it may be tolerated by others in the system, but it will damage their trust in you and that in turn will impact the climate and effectiveness of the parish’s life and work.
It’s certainly fair enough to work to renegotiate some of our commitments. But what that means is working with the other party so that what they want is satisfied as well as what you believe you need. Do you want to come out of it with your own honor and trustworthiness intact? The best approach is often to keep the commitments you have made. Suck it up and put on your best stoic mindset. Do what you agreed to do. If your demand system has become overloaded, you do not abandon responsibilities and duties. You do not step aside from what you have committed yourself to. But you do look ahead and see what you can do to not be in that position two or three months from now. What you're doing is accepting the cost of your own poor decisions and lack of forethought instead of expecting others to bear that cost. If this is a chronic problem for you, you get a competent therapist or spiritual director to help you address the issue.
Forgiveness and learning
We won’t get it right. We will often fail at competence, humility and accountability. Sometimes it will be because of sin and other times human limitation. We don't bring all the emotional intelligence and spiritual maturity necessary in every situation.
All relationships, all organizations, are constantly changing. What worked for many years may all of a sudden no longer work. In parish development training we frequently talk about the inevitable tension between maintaining institutional identity, integrity, and integration and the need for adaptability.
Adaptability is about being able to adjust to new conditions and expectations. Or adaptability is increased if we learn to engage in a disciplined process of reflection on our experience. It may happen as you take a walk or work in the garden, but the willingness to explore our behavior as leaders and the impact on others, will serve both ourselves and our parishes.
And of course, there’s this — we need to be forgiven and to forgive. MORE - “The Church’s way of reconciliation and forgiveness” and “The Relationship Cycle in Parishes”
My strength lies in prayer and sacrifice; they are invincible weapons, and touch hearts more surely than words can do, as I have learned by experience. Therese of Lisieux
This abides,
Brother Robert, OA
Feast of Therese of Lisieux, Monastic, 1898
[1] You can find examples of effective listening processes in Fill All Things in the chapter of the Benedictine Promise, and in the Chapter on Community In Your Holy Spirit: Shaping the Parish Through Spiritual Practice Also see information on creating “green lines’ in a parish in the chapter on the Relationship Cycle in Parishes in An Energy Not Its Own.